Four days until I'm 6 months into HRT. I'm happy, I've changed a lot over the last 6 months. Still, my family doesn't understand (brother really he's all the family I have left). I don't expect them too though. I just want to live my life how I see fit. I've been depressed a lot though, I don't have a lot of friends except one really good friend (but he lives 100ish miles away soo~ ugh.. =/). I have a few friends on Facebook but that's back from high school days, not people I was really buddy buddy with, just people you like to keep in touch with. I feel alone a lot, like everybody wants to be loved by people they love. and everybody wants to see those people. I don't really have anybody like that as of right now. I'm trying with one of my friends, but he's just not fond of me. I think I'm more of a "come see me every few months" kind of girl, not a "dude we should hang out this weekend and eat ice cream!" type of person to him.((even though I really want to be at that friendship level with him..)).
It's my fault though, I'm just not a risk taker, ya know? I feel conflicted to tell a joke from fear of hurting their feelings, and I'm afraid of liking something they wouldn't like. So i'm really quiet. my sense of humor is a bit twisted at times XD... I don't like anything racist or sexual, but I like stuff that turns really serious things into a parody. lord of the rings parodies XD that kind!. I do like some adult humor just not a lot. my idea of adult humor would be around the lines of "that's what she said" or like in final fantasy X, how Tidus tells Yuna "I'll take you to Zanarkand" my response to that would be "oh, take me to zanarkand baby~ XD..". that's as perverted as my humor gets, word play really. Anyways, I just miss my friend, he's the best in the world <3.
i just have my good and bad days, I hate myself when I get emotional. i want to be the real me, However, I'm just conflicted to be the honest me.. that's all.
Nobody will really see this, just want to start writing these entries for myself.